Heather
By Túpac IV
Heather,
“You are being carried,” you said in our first sit.
And I am.
I can see that more easily when I look back.
A few moments that stood out to me from our second sit:
Allowing myself to feel fear. Never occurred to me.
Allowing myself to feel the busyness of the mind. Also a new point of view.
Allowing myself to feel “what is,” without labels or stories or mental chatter & programming. This feels like a new skill, completely foreign, but I can do it a little better each time I practice.
The arrogance of the mind, expecting quick results or controllable outcomes.
Getting to know myself is a continual undoing; an unlearning. Deconstructing & allowing. Penetrating from the True Self with Presence.
I was shocked when you said you reached a point where you were excited to uncover what was coming up; I had assumed it was a sort-of never-ending descent into pain.
Even tho you’ve written that underneath the pain, is Sweetness - uncovered by standing in innocence.
I saw it from another angle, and that idea became a possibility.
And I see my mind hope, grasp, want for that moment.
And that is the mind. Always grasping. ~Desires without Presence.~
My tears began to fall yesterday. Tears that I instinctively conceal, yet bring as much compassion and grace to as I know how.
I held myself. I spoke love to this body. I slowly stroked my shoulders with both hands, wrapping my arms around myself.
Your words echoed: “It is okay to experience it all.”
I said to my wounded child: ‘I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. I’m here to experience you.’
More of your words gently come forward to give me courage:
“If it’s coming up in your body, how could it be wrong?
“Why are you so afraid of pain? 😉”
Meeting with you is unlike any experience I’ve had. Your eyes. Showing a depth I’ve never experienced. Your embodied words penetrate and vibrate through my body, giving me more acceptance of what is. Allowing me to shed some layers of judgment. Bringing a new hope and a new template of what is truly happening inside.
The transformation that’s ongoing.
The deep unrooting. Updating.
A precursor to the deep, intimate meeting of Self to self I keep hearing about? 😅
Getting to know the inner-world feels like shattering open an old glass bottle within my heart, and as the shards pour through and out and churn their way into tears, the pain can be unbearable. But there is a subtle sweetness brewing. Little moments.
Here & there.
Today, I was suddenly seeing the trees. I really saw them.
At ecstatic dance last night, I found myself chanting a healing mantra and then was suddenly struck by a deep Knowing that my desire was for everyone else on the dance floor to heal also. I had a temporary experience of seeing all of us as one body.
A subtle sweetness brewing.
Much Love to you. 🙇🏽♂️
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